Back in Sydney

It's been 1 week since I returned to Sydney and I must admit, it has flown by rather quickly. I've just started with my Obstetrics and Gynaecology term at Royal Hospital for Women so I can't really comment much on the course yet. The first few days were mostly lectures to refresh our minds with the vital aspects of O&G and a brief introduction of the O&G course with emphasis on our assessments. For the O&G course we are required to observe 5 vaginal deliveries (witness 3 and actually do 2 on our own which is something I am very paranoid about), perform an obsteric examination, vaginal examination and PAP smear on actual female patients (not plastic models/dummies this time), explain a practical procedure including the risks of a test result, the diagnosis and treatment to a patient which are all assessed and observed by our supervisor. And we also have to do 2 observed clinical assessments which includes a complete history and physical examination , 1 literature review on a particular topic and write a case log book recording patient encounters. For the entire 8 weeks, we are allocated to a supervisor who we are expected to religiously follow in the footsteps of. My supervisor is a registrar who is specialising in reproductive endocrinology and infertility and the majority of her work is done in outpatient clinics which are located in several places: Royal Hospital for Women, the city and Greenwich. I am actually not entirely happy that I have been stuck with infertility and reproductive endocrinology as this is a very highly specialised sub-speciality of O&G and I'd rather much prefer general O&G which is more related to what is required of us at this stage. Or even something like gynaeocological cancers or high risk obstetrics. At the end of the posting, we have to ask our supervisor to sign a learning plan which he/she will grade us on our overall performace, attitude and attendance.

I'm actually quite astounded with my peer's knowledge and grasp of O&G as the term has barely started and already my colleagues seem to possess an extraordinary amount of 0&G knowledge and skills. Either they are brilliant and have retained the information that was taught earlier or they have been doing their own revision during the break. I feel so lost compared to them not to mention very inadequate. I guess I have always felt inferior to my peers especially the local Australians who not only have excellent verbal skills but are very knowledgable. After all they are the 'cream of the crop' and the majoirty of them have emerged top scorers in their previous pre-university/college and high school. Actually its not just the local students, even the international students are equally smart but in my opinion they are more hardworking. Sometimes, its such a struggle to keep up with the high standards.

I don't know how I am going to survive the next 6 months. I am terrified of the final year exam that is just looming around the corner which is the FINAL HURDLE before I graduate as a doctor. Everyone is feeling more pressurised to pass this exam as no one and I repeat NO ONE, wants to retake the exam or repeat another year. Imagine the dismay and disappointment one will experience to repeat another year with the junior batch when all your friends are rejoicing that they have passed and are happily planning for convocation or internship. We have made it this far; to have all your dreams, hopes and aspirations of being a doctor shattered is going to be absolutely devastating.